Asylum
by Ash M. Knight
Summary: Emma finds herself in a psych ward after her parents send her away to 'get better,' and meets a beautiful brunette who helps to keep her head above water. Trigger warning: mentions of suicide attempts. SwanQueen AU.
1. Chapter 1: Not Alone

The asylum was dark, dank, and moldy, like a basement. The walls were painted a musty color yellow that drove the girls past the brink of insanity. Of course, most of them were already there, but those that weren't found it all but impossible not to stare at the walls and be captivated by their mindless hue.

The women's ward was small, but large enough that 'patients' - if that's what you could call them - could go missing for hours without being noticed. Escape, however, proved impossible. Many had tried. The staff were anything but friendly; in fact, they were mostly brutal and unfeeling creatures, content to harass the already tormented individuals under their charge.

Confined to solitary, a young Emma Swan took to humming softly to herself as she covered her eyes to block out the dim white lights above her in her room. It was her only solace, the only noise besides the barking orders of the employees.

"Let's go, Swan," an orderly called into the cell, laughing as he held the door open. "Time to socialize."

He led her by the arm into the common room where he directed her to a chair and pointed at it.

"Sit and behave," he barked, "and try not to hang yourself with the chair cushions."

Rolling her eyes, Emma gripped her wrists and leaned back in the chair, crossing her legs beneath her. At first, she shut her eyes and tried to block out the noise, but when that didn't work, she opened her eyes and looked around the room. Almost every patient was by themselves. Some walked in circles. Others sat in the corner in the fetal position, and others still sat in front of chess boards playing the game by themselves.

Most of the poor, unfortunate souls spent more time talking to themselves than to each other, so the common areas were often filled with mindless utterances, and there was little contact between individuals. This being the case, the young Regina Mills was more than surprised when an even younger Emma Swan made her acquaintance.

"So what are you in here for?" the blonde asked boldly, having noticed the beautiful brunette sitting in the chair beside her out of the corner of her eye.

"Excuse me?" Regina asked haughtily, crossing her arms.

"I asked why you were in here," Emma repeated, her eyes strong and brave, her courage unwavering.

"What makes you think I would tell you that?"

"Well, because you look as bored as me. I've been in solitary for three weeks. This is the first time I've been in a room full of people since I got here."

"Solitary?" Regina asked, unable to hide her surprise. "For three weeks?"

"Yeah."

Emma shrugged her shoulders, silently saying, 'It's no big deal,' but Regina was suddenly intrigued.

"How did you survive it?"

"I don't know. I think I'm already going crazy."

"I've never been in solitary, but I feel like I'm crazy, too. This place will do that to you."

"If you won't tell me why you're here, will you at least tell me when you're getting out?"

"'Whenever I get better,' they say, and no one 'gets better' here," the brunette responded sadly, glancing at the clock. "Time stops here. No one leaves, except on a gurney."

"I'm getting out," Emma said defiantly, sitting up a little straighter in her chair.

She wasn't sure if she was trying to convince her new acquaintance or herself, but Regina certainly didn't buy the story.

"Why are you here?"

"I slit my wrists. My parents said I needed help, so here I am. Now, are you going to tell me your story?"

"No."

Silence fell between them, but Emma didn't break her gaze. Regina was the first to look away, but before she did, Emma found the shame in her eyes.

"That's okay. I won't push. It's just good to finally-"

"Swan!" one of the orderlies yelled, snapping his fingers. "Back to your room until dinner. Tonight, you eat with the rest of these slobs before your group meeting at eight."

"Bye," Emma muttered, stealing one last glance toward the beautiful girl as she was dragged away.

She looked around at dinner for her new acquaintance, but found her nowhere. Not seeing her there, she sat down at a table by herself and began to eat, until another young brunette sat down beside her.

"Hi," she said cheerfully, smiling at Emma. "I'm Belle."

Emma blinked a few times, surprised at the girl's joviality. In a place as dark as this, she was surprised to find someone so bright.

"Emma," she muttered, not trusting the girl's friendliness.

It wasn't like Emma to trust anyone, really. Sure, she was usually pretty open, but she wasn't nearly as chipper as this other patient, so the girl's happiness threw her off guard.

"So what are you in here for?"

Hearing the question being asked by someone else suddenly did make it sound rather intrusive.

"I slit my wrists, so my parents sent me here," Emma mumbled.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you try to kill yourself?"

"It's kind of a long story, but I've tried it before. This is just the first time I've gotten caught, and obviously, I'm not very good at it."

"Well, I'm glad. You're awfully pretty."

Emma was taken aback by this, embarrassed even, so she let a piece of her soft blonde hair fall in front of her eyes as she looked away.

"You're weird."

"And you're pretty."

"Stop saying that!" Emma snapped, slamming her fork down on the table.

"I'm sorry," Belle said softly, reaching out to touch her shoulder, but Emma pulled away instantly.

"Don't touch me." Emma paused, realizing the harshness of her words, and corrected herself by saying, "I'm sorry. Why are you here?"

"I'm not. You're imagining me."

Emma had to laugh.

"Seriously, though. You're kind of weird, kid."

When Belle laughed too, Emma felt her smile refusing to fade. The rest of the conversation was more light-hearted, and though it left Emma filled with some amount of hope, she could not keep her mind from the girl she'd met earlier that day.


	2. Chapter 2: A Name

Though her curiosity had peaked, her confidence had waned, so when she saw the beautiful brunette in the same chair the next day, she sat down beside her but said nothing. Overnight, as she thought back on their conversation, she realized she'd been pushy and decided not to press further. If the girl wanted to talk, she would... and eventually, she did.

"I don't know your name," the girl said softly, lifting her eyes to find the blonde's.

"I'm Emma. What's your name?"

"Regina. Regina Mills."

Emma smiled and said, "That's a beautiful name."

For a moment, she thought she saw Regina blush.

When she realized that Regina wasn't likely to speak again, Emma said, "I'm sorry about yesterday. I can be really pushy. I guess it was just good to have someone to interact with."

"I understand."

But Regina was looking away, gripping the armrests of the uncomfortable chair she was sitting in. No matter how she sat or to which side she leaned, she could never get comfortable. The chairs were simply designed to cause backaches and muscle cramps.

Not wanting to linger on the subject, Emma decided to ask about something else.

"I heard they let us outside in the summer."

"It's true, yes. Sometimes. Under the strict supervision of armed guards, of course. They want to make sure we don't off ourselves... or each other... or run away."

"Makes sense."

Emma shrugged her shoulders and looked around.

"You're not like these people."

"Neither are you."

"How long have you been here?"

"Two years in July."

"Holy shit."

"Hey, Emma!" a familiar chipper voice called out as it approached the blonde.

"Hey, Belle," Emma said with a small smile. "This is Regina."

"Hi there!" Belle exclaimed.

The excitement in her voice made Emma cringe. She was just too damn happy for that place.

"Hi," Regina said coldly, glaring at Emma.

Apparently, she didn't like making new friends. Either that, or she had a problem with Belle. Maybe her cheerfulness was just as off-putting to Regina as it was to Emma. Either way, when Belle realized that neither of them seemed to be in the mood to talk, she gave a wave and walked away, leaving them alone again.

"Come on, Swan," an orderly said, grabbing her arm. "Time to go back to your cage, little bird."

"But I've been here ten minutes!" she protested, looking to Regina.

"Boss' orders."

Emma stared at Regina as she was dragged away.

* * *

The next day, Emma didn't find Regina in the lounge. _I wonder what they've done with her, _Emma thought to herself as she sat in the same chair as the day before. It wasn't worth wondering or asking about, though. Nobody shared information in the nut house.

Belle found her quickly, though, and jarred her away from her thoughts of the other attractive brunette.

"Hey, Emma," Belle greeted her, sitting down in the chair beside her. "What's up?"

"What are you so fucking _happy _about? You're in the looney bin for God's sake," Emma snapped, exasperated.

"Well, I guess you can either choose to be happy, or mope around like a loser. I refuse to be that kind of person. I'm going to make the best of a bad situation."

"Bad is quite the understatement."

"I suppose you're right," Belle conceded with a smile. "So what's got you down, little princess?"

"Little princess?"

"Yeah. What's got you down?"

When Belle repeated the question, Emma rolled her eyes. Who did this girl think she was, anyway? She was awfully bold. In a way, though, Emma admired that. She wasn't used to people being so interested in her. At first, she wanted to tell the girl to fuck off, but she reconsidered and decided to answer, even though she knew the remark would be snarky.

"I'm depressed."

"Because you're here, or in general?"

"I'm here because I'm depressed, and obviously, being here isn't helping. I miss the sun. I miss being outside. I miss my fucking car and driving with the windows down. I miss almost everything, even though I was miserable out there too."

"I get that," Belle said with a nod.

"So, you gonna tell me why you're here, or not?"

"I tried to kill myself. I overdosed."

"Why?"

"When my boyfriend died, I had nothing left to live for."

"Boyfriend? Wow. You could've fooled me," Emma said with a laugh.

"What do you mean?"

Belle was genuinely confused, which only made Emma laugh more. How could the girl be so naive?

"I mean, you've been hitting on me pretty hard."

"What can I say?" Belle giggled. "Who wouldn't go gay for you?"

Emma rolled her eyes again, until she heard Belle sigh happily.

"I'm glad we met."

"Uh... Yeah... Me too."

But Emma wasn't so sure. Something about this girl rubbed her the wrong way. On the other hand, she'd never met someone so nice. She didn't trust the kindness in her voice. It seemed insincere, but Emma reasoned that she might just be feeling that way because she was so cynical.

"I'm sorry about your boyfriend," was all Emma could come up with to break the silence.

Belle, finally somber, nodded her head.

"Yeah. It was rough. I'm okay now, though."

Emma heard the lie and lifted her eyes to meet Belle's.

"You don't have to lie to me," she said softly, subconsciously reaching out to touch the girl's soft, pale hand.

When their skin touched, Emma saw the brunette's cheeks turn rosy and her brow furrow.

"I think about it a lot. You know... suicide."

"I do, too. Especially here."

Belle shifted her hand to grab Emma's and held it tightly.

"We'll get through this. We'll get out of here."

"I heard nobody leaves," Emma countered, looking towards the tiny window on the other end of the room.

"That's been true, so far, but we'll show them we're better, and they'll let us out. They have to."

"You're too optimistic. We're totally fucked."

"We're not..." Belle started, pausing before speaking the swear. "We're not screwed."

"Fucked, Belle," Emma pressed. "We're fucked."

At last, Belle looked defeated.

"Stop being so cynical. It's really bumming me out."

"I like your accent," Emma said suddenly, blinking a few times as she realized just how awkward this sounded and how out-of-left-field it had come.

"Thanks!" Belle said happily with a grin and a wink, back to her normal, chipper self again. "I suppose ladies love an accent, don't they?"

"I know I do," Emma laughed, leaning back in the chair. When she realized that was flirting, she blushed, too, and added, "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Belle said with a smile. "I like it."

"I know, but I-"

"I know. I get it. You're not into me."

"It's not that. I just... I'm not into anyone. I'm kind of asexual. Well, not really. Just... um... you know. Repulsive."

Belle sat up in her chair, gripping the arm rests.

"You are _not_ repulsive, Emma! You're gorgeous!"

Emma sighed and decided to change the subject.

"Do you want to go for a walk, maybe just down the hallway and back? My legs are getting cramped. I'm so tired of sitting down all the time."

Belle nodded her head and stood up, holding out her hand. Hesitantly, Emma took it as they walked out of the common room. When they reached the door, an orderly stopped them.

"No touching, ladies," he said with a grin. "Not unless it's in private, in front of me, while I watch."

"Ugh," Emma gagged, letting go of Belle's hand and pushing her way out the door, with the brunette trailing behind her.

They walked back and forth down the hall together until it was time for them to return to their rooms for the night, and by the end of their conversation, Emma was laughing freely, like she hadn't in a long time.

"Thanks for this, Belle," Emma said with a smile. "It's been good to talk to someone."

"You're welcome. Anytime. You're a wonderful conversationalist... even if you are a little bit cynical."

Belle's teasing smile lit up Emma's eyes, and without thinking, she gave the girl a hug before they parted.


	3. Chapter 3: Disappointed

It wasn't until a week later, after many more conversations with the flirtatious young Belle, that Emma spotted Regina in the common room once more. She looked defeated and drained of vivacity, as though she barely had the energy left to keep her eyes open.

"Hey!" she called out, walking over. "Regina. Hi."

"Hey," the girl mumbled, wringing her hands.

"What's the matter?" Emma asked, sitting down on the floor beside her, since there was no other chair close by.

"Nothing."

"Hey, come on. Don't lie. What's up?"

"They sedated me and threw me in solitary."

Emma didn't dare to ask why.

"Shit, dude," Emma breathed. "That sucks."

"Yeah. It sucks."

Biting her lip, Emma looked around the room. As usual, the patients were talking to themselves, many of them sitting on the floor rocking themselves back and forth. It all seemed so primitive, like they'd been thrown back into the 1800s where "patients" were treated more like rabid dogs.

"I missed seeing you around," Emma admitted shyly, shrugging her shoulders as she stared down at her lap.

"Why?" Regina asked. "You don't even know me."

"I don't know. I guess there's just something about you that brightens the room."

_Fuck, _Emma cursed herself. _Am I flirting with her? _She felt even more ridiculous when Regina said nothing.

"Uh," she started again. "So what did you think about to keep your mind busy that whole time? That place drove me bat-shit crazy."

"Getting out. Having kids. That's all I've ever really wanted, honestly. To raise my own children better than my mother raised me."

"To prove her wrong and show her up, or because you love children?"

"Both, honestly. I hate my mother. Sometimes, I mean."

"Yeah," Emma sighed. "I feel ya."

"What about you? What did you think about?"

Emma felt something inside her twinge as she felt Regina's genuine curiosity. She wasn't used to people being so interested in her, which is what had thrown her off about Belle.

"My son," Emma confessed softly, breaking her gaze and looking away.

"You have a son?" Regina asked, her muscles tightening as she held onto the arm rests.

"Yeah," Emma answered, suddenly defensive. "So?"

"You're just... You're so young."

"How do you know?"

"You look it."

"That doesn't mean shit."

"I know. I'm sorry. I just meant-"

"Look, don't. I know what you're thinking. I know you think I'm a slut. But I'm not. I'm just stupid. I thought I would be with the guy forever, but he betrayed me, and this is where I am now. Without my son."

"How old are you?" Regina asked. "If you don't mind my asking."

"I'm twenty-two. You?"

"Twenty-six."

"Nice. I like older women."

_What am I saying? 'I like older women?' Seriously? _Emma turned her face away again and felt her cheeks grow warm. Flirting didn't usually come naturally, but somehow, she was suddenly relaxed.

"So your guy... He was an exception, then?"

"To what?"

Emma looked confused.

"To your sexuality."

"What makes you think I'm not just bisexual?"

"Oh... Um... I'm sorry. I guess I just wasn't thinking. I..."

"No, it's fine. Most people give me shit for it anyway. They say I'm just confused."

"That's not what I think. I think it's a perfectly legitimate sexuality. Some people just don't see gender. I admire that."

"So you do?"

"Unfortunately, yes. The male anatomy makes me want to throw up my insides and blind myself."

Emma laughed and leaned against the girl's legs.

"You're funny, you know."

"I'm not. I'm cynical."

With a grin, Emma countered, "So am I."

Before Emma could see Regina smile, an orderly was grabbing the girl's arm and dragging her off out of the common room.

"So what's up with you and her?" Belle asked, sitting down on the floor next to Emma, instead of in the chair, leaning in until their shoulders were touching.

"Nothing. What do you mean?"

"She's pretty."

"She's gorgeous."

"See?"

"See what?"

"You like her," Belle pressed roughly, her voice suddenly strained.

"What the fuck do you know?" Emma snapped, turning on her and glaring as she stared into the girl's bright eyes.

"Jesus. Chill out. I was just teasing."

"What, are you jealous or something?"

"Of course I'm jealous," Belle admitted sadly, shaking her head. "You're perfect. It would hurt to see you with someone else."

"Look, it's none of your business, and it's not like that, anyway. We're just friends. She's not into me."

"I am," Belle whispered, staring into Emma's face with a look of longing.

For a reason she couldn't comprehend, Emma felt her heart speeding up. _I don't get this, _her mind raced.

"I wish you liked me, too," Belle whispered, leaning in and kissing Emma's cheek.

"Your lips are soft," Emma breathed, turning her head to look into Belle's eyes.

As soon as Emma moved, Belle kissed her lips.

* * *

"Hey," Regina greeted Emma, sitting in a chair beside her.

Emma turned her own chair so that she was directly facing the brunette and smiled.

"Hey."

"Heard you got a little smooch the other day," Regina said dryly, wearing her poker face.

"How did you know that?"

Regina shrugged.

"People talk."

"What aren't you telling me? Who told you that?"

"Belle told me that."

"I didn't know you guys were talking."

"We weren't."

"Then why would she tell you?"

"She asked me not to make a move on you."

"What?" Emma gasped, standing up.

Regina's head whipped around the room, then she grabbed Emma's hand and jerked her back down into her seat.

"Shut up!" the brunette hissed. "Do you want them to come over here?"

Emma shook her head and scowled.

"I wasn't going to anyway."

"Yeah, I know," Emma said, looking away.

Something in her was almost disappointed, and she couldn't explain it. As she took a shaky breath in, she felt the walls contract around her like a snake preparing its prey for death. The yellow wallpaper painted the walls of her mind yellow, too, and she turned inward to lock herself away in her thoughts.

"Emma?" Regina asked, touching her shoulder. "You okay?"

"Huh? Yeah. Fine."

Emma shook herself out of her stupor and looked around again. The same crowd, doing the same thing, saying the same things, over and over again. Their mumblings and whispers buzzed in her ears, only ceasing when Regina's voice rang through the air between them.

"You look... disappointed."

"What? No!"

Regina raised an eyebrow but said nothing else.


	4. Chapter 4: A Son

The next few conversations with Belle were short and cold, with Emma saying very little, but never mentioning the incident with Regina. While she still talked to Belle, she'd stopped conversing with Regina and taken to sitting by herself in the common room again, when Belle wasn't around to join her. Eventually, Emma eased up and let her conversations with Belle grow more relaxed.

After not seeing her for a few days, Emma told her honestly, "I missed you."

"I missed you, too."

They shared their second kiss, and this time, Emma kissed back, allowing her lips to move with Belle's, slowly, but without passion, feeling something turn inside her stomach as she pulled away.

"I think I love you, Emma," Belle whispered, tucking a piece of blonde hair behind the girl's ear.

It was all Emma could do not to lie.

"This is moving too fast," she admitted. "I'm not... I can't... There are things about me you don't know."

Though Emma couldn't have explained why, she'd chosen not to tell Belle about her son.

"Like what?" Belle asked curiously with a smile.

_So light-hearted, _Emma sighed silently. _So innocent. What do I do now?_

"I can't explain this to you, Belle. I just can't."

"Can't you try?"

Emma shook her head. She wasn't ready.

"Fine," Belle snapped, standing up.

Belle walked away quickly, without looking back.

* * *

A few months later, she finally earned visitation privileges. When her parents showed up with her son, she couldn't contain her emotions.

"Oh, God, Henry. I missed you so much," Emma sobbed. "You've gotten so big."

"I miss you, Mom. When can you come home?"

"I don't know, baby. Soon, I hope. I'm getting better."

She rested her cheek on the top of his head and let the tears fall as she shut her eyes, but when her mother put her hand on her back, she flinched, not welcoming the touch. She still harbored resentment towards them for putting her in the asylum, and refused to say anything to them besides thanking them sincerely for bringing her son to visit. Part of her was scared for him to see her like that, but the other part of her knew she couldn't live without him much longer. He was the only _real _home she'd ever had.

"I love you, little man," she told him, kissing his forehead and holding him at arm's length to look into his eyes. "I hear you're doing well in school. I'm proud of you."

The boy beamed a smile and nodded his head.

"I do it for you, Mom. I'm proud of you, too."

It pained her to know that he knew why she was in there, that she'd tried to kill herself. She was ashamed of herself, but regardless, she couldn't stop the thoughts of death that filled her mind when she was alone. The only moments that stopped them were ones she spent with Belle or Regina.

When visiting hours were over, Emma watched her family leave. When she turned to go back to the common room to spend the hour she had before dinner doing nothing, she found Regina standing right behind her. At first, Emma opened her mouth to speak, but pushed past the girl instead, not caring that their shoulders bumped as she moved around her. She only stopped when Regina turned and grabbed her arm.

"He's beautiful, Emma," she said softly, looking into the girl's watery eyes.

She could tell that Emma was about to cry.

"Thanks," she mumbled shortly, pulling her arm out of the girl's grasp and turning again to walk away.

"Wait. Emma, please."

"What?" the blonde snapped, turning on her heels.

Regina watched as Emma's hair bounced around the woman's shoulders.

"I'm sorry," Regina told her. "I shouldn't have let Belle get to me."

"Oh?"

"Yes. I just figured... I don't know. I guess I thought you wouldn't care."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I didn't think you'd care if we stopped talking."

"She didn't tell you to stop talking to me. She told you not to make a move on me."

"I didn't want to get between you two at all. I just assumed you'd be fine without talking to me."

Emma hesitated, but stepped forward.

"I've missed you," she confessed.

Regina, without thinking, leaned in and pressed their lips together.

* * *

After the orderly had caught them - they _had _been standing right in the middle of the room - they were both promptly thrown into solitary confinement for the next two weeks. Emma found herself confused and lonely, thinking of both Belle and Regina as she let her mind wander in the darkness.

Regina was released first, and was waiting for Emma in the common room the day she got out.

"Hey," Regina said softly, a blush rising to her cheeks. "Listen, I'm really sorry about-"

"No, it's cool. It's fine. I'm kind of used to solitary now."

The blonde forced a laugh, but the brunette didn't buy its sincerity.

"I'm sorry I got between you and Belle. I don't know what I was thinking."

When Emma saw that Regina looked ashamed, she sighed.

"It's really okay, Regina. Belle and I aren't really... you know... together."

"You're not?"

"No."

"Why did you tell me about your son?" Regina asked suddenly, watching as Emma took the seat beside her.

"Because I trust you."

"Does Belle know?"

Emma shook her head, feeling a little guilty that she'd kept the fact to herself. She wasn't even sure why. She wasn't embarrassed of him. There was just something that kept her from sharing herself with Belle, something holding her back.

"Why don't you tell her?"

"Honestly, I don't know."

Regina accepted this answer and nodded her head.

"It feels good to know you trust me enough to tell me," the brunette told her, looking into her eyes.

"For some reason, I do trust you."

"But you don't trust her."

"It's not that. I just..."

"It's okay," Regina stopped her. "You don't have to explain."

"I feel bad. I wish I had an explanation, but I just don't."

"That's okay. It's okay to not know why you feel the way you feel."

"I don't know why I feel the way I do about you, either. I think about you, Regina... I think about..."

"Yes?" Regina pressed, when Emma trailed off.

"I just think about you a lot."

Smiling at last, Regina leaned in and kissed Emma's cheek.

"Cheer up, Emma," she whispered. "Let me see you smile."

Of course, this did succeed in making Emma smile, which only made Regina grin even more at her accomplishment.

"You're beautiful, you know," Regina told her seriously, watching for the girl's reaction and hoping it would be receptive to the compliment.

But Emma scrunched up her face in disgust and shook her head.

"I'm gross."

"Don't say that, okay? You're... You're perfect."

"I'm not, but-"

Regina silenced her with a kiss. This time, the orderlies didn't see, and when Regina looked around and saw that none of them were looking, she kissed Emma again.

"Wow," Belle's voice rang out as she stood in front of them. "I figured this would happen."

"Belle, wait," Emma tried, but the girl had already turned and started to walk away.

Instead of trying to call her back again, Emma let her leave.

"You're just going to let her go?" Regina asked curiously, looking to Emma for the answer.

"I'd never want to hurt her, but I won't lie to her either, and I'm not ashamed of how I feel about you."

"How exactly _do _you feel?"

"It feels like summer again when I look at you. The only other person that makes me feel that way is Henry."

"I'd love to meet him, Emma," Regina told her softly, biting her lip.

"He'd like you. You're quiet. He gets overwhelmed with people who are too intense."

"You mean like Belle?" Regina couldn't help but tease.

Emma scowled at her.

"Don't make fun of her, okay? She's a good kid. She just... She's just... not for me."

"And you think I am?"

"I think I feel more of a connection with you than I've felt with anyone. I love her as a friend, but you... I feel..."

When they kissed again, Regina whispered, "I feel it too."


End file.
